Tim Tebow and Jack Bauer have both been important figures in America over the past several years. I decided to line their accomplishments up side by side so that we can decide once and for all which one is the greatest living American.
TIM TEBOW
*Spent his summers in high school working with orphans in the Philippines.
*Has won two national championships as a quarterback for the University of Florida.
*On October 20, 2007, made a handoff to Kestahn Moore that resulted in Moore scoring a touchdown. That handoff is now considered the finest handoff in the history of football, and popular opinion is that if Tebow had not handed the ball off to Moore with such perfect technique, Moore would not have scored a touchdown.
*Won the 2007 Heisman Trophy for being the best college football player in America.
*Loves Jesus - Tebow paid tribute to J.C. by wearing John 3:16 (a well known bible verse) on his eyeblack during the 2009 BCS National Championship Game.
*Won the 2007 Heisman Trophy for being the best college football player in America.
*Circumcised some Filipino babies.
*CBS color commentator Gary Danielson makes it a point to tell his own son, "Why can't you be more like Tim Tebow?" every single day.
*Spent 20 minutes with Fox announcer Charles Davis, thus enriching his life to the point where Davis told an audience of 20 million about the experience live on national television.
*New "WWTTD" wristbands being sold in Gainesville, FL indicate Tebow is a moral compass to many.
*Has won two national championships as a quarterback for the University of Florida.
*On October 20, 2007, made a handoff to Kestahn Moore that resulted in Moore scoring a touchdown. That handoff is now considered the finest handoff in the history of football, and popular opinion is that if Tebow had not handed the ball off to Moore with such perfect technique, Moore would not have scored a touchdown.*Won the 2007 Heisman Trophy for being the best college football player in America.
*Loves Jesus - Tebow paid tribute to J.C. by wearing John 3:16 (a well known bible verse) on his eyeblack during the 2009 BCS National Championship Game.
*Won the 2007 Heisman Trophy for being the best college football player in America.
*Circumcised some Filipino babies.
*CBS color commentator Gary Danielson makes it a point to tell his own son, "Why can't you be more like Tim Tebow?" every single day.
*Spent 20 minutes with Fox announcer Charles Davis, thus enriching his life to the point where Davis told an audience of 20 million about the experience live on national television.
*New "WWTTD" wristbands being sold in Gainesville, FL indicate Tebow is a moral compass to many.
JACK BAUER
*Protected President David Palmer from an assassination attempt by terrorists (season 1).
*Prevented terrorists from detonating a nuclear bomb in Los Angeles, CA (season 2).
*Shot and killed his boss, a reputable U.S. Government employee of 18 years, to uphold his end of a deal he made with a terrorist - in order to save America from another terrorist attack.
*Prevented the release of a deadly virus by taking down a Mexican drug cartel despite being addicted to heroin (season 3).
*Prevented another attempt by terrorists to steal and launch a nuclear weapon (season 4).
*Cut off a terrorist's head and kept it in his bag to use in the future interrogation of another terrorist.
*Has tortured several dirty, dirty terrorists in order to get information that led to the prevention of a terrorist attack.
*Prevented terrorists from stealing nerve gas (season 5).
*Has discovered and snuffed out several government conspiracies, including the nerve gas plot involving President Charles Logan, who had a crazy wife.
*Prevented a war between the United States and Russia by keeping Chinese terrorists from setting off suitcase nukes (season 6).
*Spent a lot of time between season 6 and season 7 in Africa where he undoubtedly helped feed hungry children.
*Is poised to defeat terrorists again by apparently rebuilding the firewall responsible for protecting America's government computer infrastructure (season 7).
*Prevented terrorists from detonating a nuclear bomb in Los Angeles, CA (season 2).
*Shot and killed his boss, a reputable U.S. Government employee of 18 years, to uphold his end of a deal he made with a terrorist - in order to save America from another terrorist attack.
*Prevented the release of a deadly virus by taking down a Mexican drug cartel despite being addicted to heroin (season 3).*Prevented another attempt by terrorists to steal and launch a nuclear weapon (season 4).
*Cut off a terrorist's head and kept it in his bag to use in the future interrogation of another terrorist.
*Has tortured several dirty, dirty terrorists in order to get information that led to the prevention of a terrorist attack.
*Prevented terrorists from stealing nerve gas (season 5).
*Has discovered and snuffed out several government conspiracies, including the nerve gas plot involving President Charles Logan, who had a crazy wife.
*Prevented a war between the United States and Russia by keeping Chinese terrorists from setting off suitcase nukes (season 6).
*Spent a lot of time between season 6 and season 7 in Africa where he undoubtedly helped feed hungry children.
*Is poised to defeat terrorists again by apparently rebuilding the firewall responsible for protecting America's government computer infrastructure (season 7).
CONCLUSION
With such similarly impressive resumes, it's a tough call to make. To me, though, it comes down to one important question:
I know Tim Tebow would have no problem thwarting a terrorist attack should he happen across a terrorist cell in Gainesville, but could Jack Bauer pump his fists and run the quarterback draw as effectively as Tebow?
I know Tim Tebow would have no problem thwarting a terrorist attack should he happen across a terrorist cell in Gainesville, but could Jack Bauer pump his fists and run the quarterback draw as effectively as Tebow?
WINNER:
Tim Tebow
Greatest Living American
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